A friend of mine asked a very intriguing question awhile back, you know that kind of question that a little mind boggling you just have to write about it.

She’s also a mixed couple with children who recently moved back to Jakarta due to her husband’s job, much similarities to my own. Like mine, her hubby’s job also involved a lot of traveling, thus the question “How do you deal with it?”, “Do you ever worry about the ‘ayams*’ here?” arises.

Let’s answer the first question…

How do I deal with it? Meaning how to do I cope with our marriage and parenting issues while DH is traveling a lot for work?  Well, I think there’s no one size fits all answer to this kinds of questions. It all depends on the couple itself. When we were still in the US, I was already accustomed to his sometimes odd hour schedules or having him called in to work in the middle of the night or at wee hour before dawn. Like it or not, I had to adjust, it is his job after all.

Then come China last year, we spent so much time apart due to visa problems (who knew Chinese visa/resident permit is harder to get than American one!). In total, we were separated for nearly 10 months, yes, I counted it!

When he started working here, we both knew that there will be a lot of traveling involved on his part. It’s not easy, believe me…there are times where I just feel so overwhelmed trying to fill his absences especially when it comes to our son, Lil’ A. He’s too little to really grasp why Daddy isn’t around all that much although he knows that Daddy’s working. But to see/hear your little one calling out for his Daddy while he’s sleeping can really break one’s heart, I tried as best as I can to fill in his needs for some masculinity touches. Although at the end of the day I feel like my back is about to break from playing rough with him, you know the kind of games father – son does. Also, dealing with the sweet terrible two moments alone can be so hard. Lil’ A is so strong willed and I can be very emotional. Not a good combo, and that’s when I wish his Daddy can stepped in since he’s always the patient and cool-headed one. God only knows how many times I played this image of handed Lil’ A to his Daddy while I hold a suitcase and said “Here you go, I’m taking a vacation…alone!” LOL!

Through our times a part while he’s working in China, I learnt to take things one day at a time when it comes to Lil’ A. if not I’m sure they’d put me in a restraining jacket by now. Having my immediate families around also helps as I can’t imagine going through this alone.

Now on to the second question…

I just had to tease that poor worry girl that what we’re dealing here is not as bad as how some of ‘those’ girls are in China. Once I read in a forum somewhere about the girls there and their ability to do a staring-rape! No kidding! I experienced that too when I was in China at the place you’d least expected it…supermarket with Lil’ A around! Seesh!

Ok, on a serious note, I am very well aware of the ‘fierceness’ of these bule hunters here in Jakarta who doesn’t give a rat’s ass if the guy already wear a wedding ring, have a wife and kids. Growing up in small towns where expats were all over, you’ll be assured I’ve seen just about every possible scenario of how another woman can wreck a marriage. Does it scare me? Honestly, as a normal woman, I have that worries far in the back of my mind but the fear itself does not took me hostage. Meaning, yes I know the risks, the temptations are always around. Yes, I trust DH wholeheartedly but there are some things that beyond our control. Can I stop it? Of course not! All I can do is working on the marriage itself, from the inside. Our marriage is far from perfect, but then again who have one? So why waste 0ur precious moments worrying about the ‘what ifs’ when it will only drive us crazy?

It’s not like we can put a chastity belt on our husbands, right?

*Ayam: a term Indonesian use for those girls who hunts foreigners mostly for their money.