We have come a long way…
I will not advertise myself as a co-parenting expert because I am far from one but today as I catches my breath and looking back I’ve seen how far along he (Mr. X) and I had come.
Long before he and I reached this point, after the anger flames subsides, I had stuffed my eyes reading as many articles as I can on co-parenting. He may be Mr. X now but he and I have a child together that needs both his Daddy and Mommy. He is an ex but my life and his life would forever be connected through the boy that is ours. There’s someone that depends on our maturity levels for their well being.
So I toughen up, tucked my ego in a corner, chin up and open the door to co-parenting…
It was so hard at first. My bitter hurt soul want to shut him out of our lives completely but then I would be hurting Lil’ A and robbed him from his rights. Shamefully, I did cut off all contacts for some months.
Until I had an epiphany one night after I saw the boy calling out for his Daddy in his sleep. My selfish broken self had alienated the father of my child out of his life. I had my reasons why I decided to cut him out last year, I thought I was protecting the boy…but in reality I was hurting my child.
It was early April…
My aunt drove us to Mr. X’s new apartment. I was nervous, I haven’t seen Mr. X for months and I was so close to ask my aunt to turn around when he was giving me an attitude on the phone when I called to ask for directions. Behind gritted teeth I just said “Ok…”
But all the worries vanished instantly as I saw how Lil’ A ran into his Daddy’s arms. You know just like in those movies…I knew I must’ve have done something right as I fought back tears seeing father and son reunited.
Yes, it was very awkward seeing Mr. X again. Seeing him again brought back all the pain, the pain that I had pushed so hard out of my new life. Seeing him again made me felt like I’ve been hit by a truck all over again.
What’s a girl gotta do?
Swallow all the pain up and deal with them later. He and I were civil. Awkward, but very civilized. I was a total hot mess after I got home that night, but I allowed myself to cry one last time as I come to a full closure of ‘our history’.
He and I had agreed to be friends, to raise our boy together…in short…we agreed to co-parenting.
I know this won’t be easy but he and I has been doing pretty good in the past few months.
Yes, there are times where I feel like I could give him some biotch slap him when he said things that just pissed me off and would normally made me lose my temper. Like when he criticized my nanny and easily said “You should find a new one!” Over a simple thing that he thinks she cannot do. But again, I stepped back and let it slide because I just don’t have the energy to fight him and I know fighting over it will do nothing but ruining things up.
I’m sure there will be more hurdles up ahead but I’m sure he and I will do okay.
Lil’ A has started to understand the concept of Daddy’s apartment and Oma’s (Grandma) house. And he enjoys every minutes he spent with Daddy. I think co-parenting and sharing the times with Mr. X is harder on me because I miss that boy greatly while he’s with his father.
Mr. X and I had come a long way for sure.
So, Mr. X if you are reading this, thank you for being a good father to our son.
What about you guys? If you are practicing co-parenting, what is the best advise you can give to a co-parenting ‘newbie’ like myself?
Oyen,I can’t tell u much abt co-parenting because my ex has been living in Indo since 2008. He “was” in my daughter’s life for 1 year after we divorced. I didn’t push him out of my daughter’s life but he was the one who chose to do so. For 1 year, I tried my best to be civiled with him. I always drove my daughter to see him, it took me 2,5 hours to drive to his house. He NEVER voluntered to meet me in the middle. Yeah for sure he never changed, he still loved to take advantage from me, but I put my ego aside and I kept telling myself I did that just for my daughter’s needs. After he moved to Indo he barely called my daughter either. So finally I thought why I am the one who always make efforts and as the result, my daughter easily forget him as her father. She barely asks anything abt him. One time he had a vacation to US for almost 2 weeks last year. Guess what, he only had a chance to see my daughter and his other daughter for 1 night only, most of his vacation time he spent was to see his family in DC. Mind you, for 1 day he spent with his daughters was only in his hotel room because he was sick and again, it took me 3 hrs to drive to his hotel and he never said thank you or anything like that to me
oh one more thing, since that vacation was over, we completely lost contact because he lost his cellphone and he never gave me his new number. So again for my daughter’s needs, I created a facebook profile for my daughter so my daughter and he still could “communicate” through internet, him to see my daughter’s growing through her pictures. And the funny thing is he barely gives any comments or says anything.. oh boy, for sure he’s something else right 
. The funniest part was, one time he tried to threaten me to Social Service just because I moved from one location to another and bitch me around how bad mother I was. And guess what it never happened, instead I told him; if he worried abt my daughter, have Social Service visited us and if he REALLY worried he was more than welcome to come to my house to check on her 
So as far as co-parenting thingy, I’ve been doing the best I can but if my daughter doesn’t have any memory abt him as a father, that would be His loss 
I don’t have to brain-wash or bad-mouth him to my daughter, someday she could find what-kind-of father-he-is by herself. I just never stop thanking God because my daughter has been fantastic and I get lots of support and help from my friends and new family here 
btw sorry for long comment though…