This will indeed be a lonely and hardest Christmas ever.

A couple of days ago I just found out that Mr. X will be picking our son up this Friday for Christmas. Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling lonely already? Who knows! All I know is I found the news hard to digest.

To be fair to the whole co-parenting Dos and Don’ts, yes the boy should spend Christmas with his father and his new family since I had him last Christmas which was the first Christmas after being separated. It’s only fair.

But I can’t deny this sadness inside me.

This will be my first Christmas as a divorcee and the first Christmas without my son. For the first time in 5 years I’ve been a mother, my son and I won’t be together during the most celebrated times of the year.

I can lament and vented out but I know this is part of the ‘deal’. Part of the bigger pictures of being divorced with children who shares custody. This supposes to be normal.

Tonight I read and connect a lot more with fellow single moms like myself who will not be with their children during Christmas, thanks to The Single Mommyhood post on this very same topic of co-parenting between the Holidays or if you can spend the Holiday together. Genuinely, I have newly found utmost respects to those parents who managed to come together and celebrating the Holiday with their exes – including the trailing new spouse/partner.

Personally, that is still a far far away dream for me. It would be way too awkward to be in the same room with the New Missus let alone to act joyful.  Even after two years, it still feel too raw to be within few meters away from her and wouldn’t my sensitive boy picked up on such vibes? I’m afraid I am just not fully there yet to forgive her, the woman who used to work with Mr. X in the same office, who knew he was married but went after him anyway then moved right in just a day after I moved out. Even talking about it still hurts. Although my own relationship with Mr. X has been somewhat normal and civilized, I don’t think I could be in the same room with them. I am just not ready yet.

Have yourself a Lonely Merry Christmas!

 
That’s a post title from a single dad blogger of Big City Dad, I just saw tonight and it strike a chord so deeply that I just have to write my own version.

Yes, the boy would only be ‘away’ for 3 days. Mr. X lives here too and I could always call him to say Merry Christmas. Yes, he will be with me and my big family for New Year’s Day.  He will be home on December 26 then we can open up his present including the one from Grandma sent all the way from Florida. There are single moms out there whose child(ren) are traveling halfway across the country to be with their dads. There are single moms out there who lives alone without their families to support them while they are feeling alone this Holiday seasons. It’s not the end of the world, I know that.

There’s a lump in my throat as I type this.

In a few years from now after I get used to this whole new co-parenting dynamics maybe things wouldn’t be this hard. Maybe I can actually be in the same room and smile genuinely to this woman.

Until then I shall stay close to my big obnoxious crazy family, soaking in their unspoken love and their never ending support to ease my loneliness and sadness. Am keeping all the other single parents who can’t be with their children on this Holiday seasons and sending them big virtual hugs and praying we will find peace somehow.

If you are a single parents, how do you manage the Holiday without your child(ren) when they are with your exes? Any tips for the rookie like myself?