When Indonesian & French Collided

It was a cool autumn day. The trees are changing colors and the humidity is pretty much gone.

Two women sitting in a café, one with a cappuccino and the other with an espresso although she doesn’t really drink coffee, she was kind enough to meet up for coffee.

Coffee friends
Creative Commons Licensephoto credit: namuit

They had ‘met’ online and bonded really well with similarities that drew them together. Such as being immigrants to the US of A, being married to Americans, both have boys, and most of all, both loves blogging. One is a French born and one is Indonesian,  it didn’t take long for the friendship to grow.

So tell me, did you ever get that famous culture shock moments when you first got here?” asked the Indonesian girl.

Maryline drew a smile, her mind wondering back to some years ago “You bet! I remember the overwhelming sensation of wide open space, a different relationship to distances, and the blatant demonstration of bigger is better. Gigantic soul-less shopping centers with the largest parking lots I have ever seen. 6 or 7-lane highways with cars competing for the most wheels you can have, the most leg room and the largest cargo space.”

Oh yeah…I know what you means!” they both smiled in agreements only immigrants can understands.

Maryline continues, “It was physically and emotionally overwhelming. I was missing the quaint towns, the proximity of things that belong together (and have for centuries!), the feeling of warmth and having-your-things together when you can easily wrap your arms around them. We have a French saying that says “The smaller, the cuter” (Plus c’est petit, plus c’est mignon). There is some truth to that!

They went on to talk about this. Comparing how things are between the great US of A and their own home countries. There are of course things that they both miss but they also love their adopted country.

Hey, is that true that French language is the sexiest in the world? Well, I have friends who thinks that’s true!” asked Maureen, remembering her college friends and how eager they were in learning how to say I love you and I miss you perfectly in French.

The French beauty threw her head back and started to laugh before continuing “It is?? I had no idea! I thought Spanish was, especially Spanish from Spain. Muy caliente!” More laugther from both.

The chit-chat turns into the blogsphere and their love for it. Maryline’s blog although still in infancy has grown so much in just a mere 3 months. How many blogs can reach that points? It truly is amazing. So Maureen just has to asked her “What’s your secret, girl? Your blog really has taken off in such a short time!

Again, Maryline laugh – and her laugh is so contagious “My blog has grown a lot? You’re kidding!? I am not sure what you are comparing it to, but in the absolute, yes, it’s grown. More readers, more posts, more subject matters. I think blogging integrity is key. If you say you blog about your life, don’t make it up. I’d also add that consistency is a must have to establish a loyal and coherent readership. If you pick a theme, stick to it. As long as you are honest and genuine, then connections will happen. I enjoy blogging a lot more now that I take more loosely — low stress, yet high expectations but no sweats over stats every day or must-post-daily. Not worth it!

“Surprisingly I can now go an entire day without logging on to Google Analytics! :)

Both laughing again “Hah, yeah the Analytics, isn’t it addicting to see those numbers go up? But you’re right I love that…integrity is key!

Maryline has been writing with just that, integrity and her heart. Her posts are genuine, sometimes comical but maybe that’s how they can get along so well in that small café being that’s the first time these two meet in persons because she’s real. She’s genuine and her writing depicts her personality.

She then shared her most fun and dear posts “The most fun: Because I love lists and this one ought to be viral!! 10 Email Tips to Maximize Counter-Performance We have a tie for the most dear: After the Butterflies Leave and No Domestic Diva.

These two shared their hopes and dreams for their ‘babies’ aka their blogs,  “I hope not hosted by Bluehost anymore. They’ve been very unreliable.” Mutual understanding laughter here “But seriously, I see it being the same, just me. Me and my cultural facts, my silly analogies with marriage and sex, my attempts at staying in shape with running and triathlons, my motherhood testimonials. Maybe with a new design? I would love the help of a designer to personalize my header and develop a color theme. For now, I am just continuing my work with words.

Amen, sistah!” Both agree that no matter where their blogs are heading they would stick with being true to their voices.

They switched gears to talk about the inevitable, motherhood, specially mothering mixed culture kids. Maryline has been speaking French exclusively to her son since he was born to maintain the balance of the two influencing cultures. She has a really cute nickname for her boy “Poisson”. Realizing it or not, she’s been doing One Parent One Language method in raising Poisson.

It’s hard because when other people get involved in our conversations I automatically switch to English. I should make an effort to continue speaking French, so that my husband and friends can also pick up some French :)  Overall it’s working out well because my son and I spend a fair amount of time one one one, and we only speak French then. I only read him French books, and sing French songs. He loves music!

True story for you: we’ve had two different friends who’ve watched Poisson recently as well as our caregiver tell us that they hear a French intonation in his baby speech. I cannot wait for him to talk more!!

That’s exciting isn’t? To think that our kiddos will master two languages (if not more) will really benefit them in the long run.

Again, both nodded and smiled knowingly.

The chats continues, they talked, they laughed and most importantly their friendship grows.

Thanks for being such a wonderful friend, Maryline. I hope one day – we will have a chance to grab those coffees and doing just this!

This has been my week 4 submission for Back 2 School, Back 2 Blogging.

Kludgy Mom

They Are Real – Blog Buddies

Thank you

As a blogger, it is so exciting to get people commenting on your blog. It feels as if you’ve been heard and you all know it’s a pretty crowded place in the blogosphere.

Before moving to Tatter Scoops, my blog has gotten some regular readers mostly coming from real life friends so to venture to the world of WordPress was a bit intimidating.

Tatter Scoops is almost a year old, which by the way, I had completely forgotten about until Maryline asked!

Joining SITS was one of the best things I ever did as it opens up a whole new world, blogging land! In almost a year, I’ve visited a lot of blogs, leaving comments. Most are kind enough to visit me back but there’s some who didn’t – which is okay.

As time goes by, some of the blogs I love turned into more than just blogs. They become friends – we visited one another blogs, we leave comments that support one another, laugh with one another, even sending out virtual hugs, we chatted on Twitter and so on.

The friendships are real even when it springs out of a virtual world – the blog world…

Some of these people  have been pretty much with me since my blog started, and I want to thank them for their friendships.

Gigi from Kludgy Mom. She’s one of my first blog crush that returns the feelings. Her snarky words always entertain me and keeps me coming back for more. You will love her blog, I promise you. Her Unrequited Love post is one of my all time favorite also her Why Blogging Is Good for You piece. Her brain-child of a meme is one of my all time favorite. Who wouldn’t love to flip things off once a week?!

Kerry and Paul from The Buttler Way. They are one of the coolest, hippest couple I have ever met! Seriously…I am so jealous that these two love birds can blog together. They inspired me with so many of their posts like Embrace The Hip Mom. Kerry’s weight loss journey is super inspiring and she’s working on her book about it. Can’t wait to read it, girl!

Sian from Pumpkin and Piglet is one of my favorite girl too. This first time mum from England have a killer talent for baking and I always find myself salivating reading her recipes like  Berry Shortbread Cheesecake slice.  Oh and who can’t relate to her Supermarket Hell piece?

Natalie from Mommy of A Monster. I just love her blog and her honest take on raising cute twin girls and a toddler. With so many followers, busy blogging life and definitely busy life with her kids, I am fortunate to call her a friend she just have the super power ability to visit her online friends and leave comments love. Her Mommy Needs A Time Out will make you laugh, I swear! Having three kids under 5, she had enough experience of vacation from hell that will make you nodded.

Kate from Mommy Monologues. This girl writes beautifully with awesome drops of humor about her family and about life like her post about The Only Constant In Life Is Change. My favorite post of all time from her gotta be her love letter to the Jackhole at the restaurant that hates her baby.

Katie from Sluiter Nation. She’s a PPD warrior and survivor with a heart of gold. Her piece about being a mother to her handsome little boy and how PPD came after will put tears in your eyes. Her positivity in life is infectious.

Alicia from A Beautiful Mess. Her photography skills are super awesomeness! On one of her posts which I love, she sums motherhood perfectly with these words: “Motherhood is really the epitome of the agony and the ecstasy. There is nothing more difficult or more rewarding that you will ever experience in this life.“  Another favorite that caused so much stirs and giggles among serious discussions of course was The Controversial Wax.

Anita from Finally Woken. Her blog documented not only her journeys of living in Aberdeen, Scotland and now Perth, Australia but also other more serious like the one that she claimed to landed her in hot water, Caucasian vs Indonesian Men post. This world traveler shared her tips on Travel With Dignity which I love.  She has become such a great friend in my real life too – we have met twice.

New Discoveries

From doing 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge I got to discover fantastic new blogs too and I’m so happy I joined the challenge as it expands my blogsphere tremendously. Not only I got to learn a lot of more technical stuffs to do behind the screen to pump up my blog but I got to connect with these great bloggers:

Maryline from Franco American Dream. She’s my blog buddy from the challenge but it’s the similarities that pulled me to her blog. She’s a French girl married to her American husband, an expat with one cute baby boy in tow. See the pattern? She got to dealt with USCIS the way I did and her post about What the American Dreams means when you’re not American is something worth reading as you will see what it’s like to be an immigrant. Not only that, she wrote about the career world as well.

Gemma from Travel Diaries. This girl writes about her travel too and I’ve been enjoying my virtual trip to explore London through her posts. She introduced me to something that will comes in handy for all traveler, The Universal Packing List.I just love her blog!

Melissa from Adventuroo. Mommy to two handsome boys, this girl is the closest I ever get to an SEO expert besides her obvious photography talent! Her Momcomm Monday is a must read for bloggers – especially mommy bloggers. She gives out awesome tips like How To Improve Your Writing that’s not only helpful but in terms that I can easily digest. For some laugh go read 100 things she have learned about blogging.

Lynda from Daily Window. Her photography skills are to die for! Seriously, if you’re into photography go check out her blog plus she’s also one of SITS Community Leader. Besides sharing her photography skills knowledge, she’s also very computer savvy. Did you check out her 12 WordPress Plug-ins she can’t live without yet?

Andree from On Linden Way. NYC native now living in Europe and traveling all over the continent and Africa, she got really awesome pictures from her travels  and adventures that she shares on her blog. Not only that she also shared tips on 10 Must Have Items for Living On The Road.

These are just a few and I will share more later – so stay tuned for the second batch coming next week.

Thank you for all your support and bloggy friendships. Really, I appreciate them :)

No Matchmaker

Suburb Matchmaker
Creative Commons License photo credit: Robboguy

An old friend from college chatted with me a couple of days ago asking one of the ‘famous’ questions that us Indonesian women who married to white men often hears.

Do you know a single bule* guy?”

Apparently she has a friend, let’s name her “Betty” who just broke up with a white guy here and that girl is so brokenhearted but not wanting to date Indonesians.

Now, I’m not going to attack that girl for her taste in dating white guys because I too had actually stopped dating locals’ years before I met Mr. X. It got nothing to do with the ‘trending lifestyle’ as some would put it, for me it’s a matter of personal choices. Without sounding like a racist – just the way some people prefer strawberry ice-cream, I like vanilla better!

I know how broken heart felt like so I can sympathize to a certain level especially since most of the white guys that lives and works in Jakarta are well known to be a player. How so? Simple, because let’s face it, they have these brown exotic girls throwing themselves at them. Supplies and demands play a factor.

But, what I do not sympathize is that fact that Betty dated a married guy! This is where I can’t feel sorry for their broken relationship. Granted, it takes two to tango but as the one who is not attached, she shouldn’t get carried away with the affair.

I will write about this affair thing in a later post as it deserves a whole new post.

Back to my friend’s question, I told her that no, I don’t have any single white guy friends so I can’t play the role of matchmaker for Betty. Plus Mr. X is not working in a foreign company where he would be associated with other expats and we only have a few expats friends here but they’re also married. Where he works now there are only 2 expatriates, him and a married British guy.

When I suggest that Betty try the plenty of dating sites out there, my friend said Betty would prefer someone who’s a friend of someone. Well, make sense…but tough luck because I can’t be any help. Plus, honestly…I’m not comfortable playing matchmaker in the first place. If both parties are mature enough then great but if one of them will point fingers at me if their ‘thing’ doesn’t work out…well that would just be too weird and awkward. So, even if I know someone I wouldn’t want to get involved in playing cupid.

From a small survey I did yesterday on my Facebook profile, I found out most of my friends who are in a mix marriage basically have the will to help out if the opportunity is there, meaning if the ‘bule’ is available but what they doesn’t appreciate is the nagging to find one. One girl replied that some of her friends went so far to give her deadlines of when to find Mr. Perfect White Guys for them with specific characteristics. Now, isn’t that something?

If you’re Indonesian and married to a white guy, have you ever get asked the same request? How did you handle it? If you’re not Indonesian, how do you feel about such request?

*bule = Indonesian slang for white skin

7 Things I Learned From Sex and The City

sexandthecity2

Been a fan of Sex and The City for years now, had watched the show religiously even had my full seasons collection. Yes, the clothes, shoes and purses are to die for but for me they have more meaning (and I’m not that fashionista myself!) and here’s what I learned from that 4 fabulous ladies:

●   Boyfriends – or in Samantha’s case boy toys – will come and goes but real friendships will stay for a lifetime!

●   True friends may not approve your choices in life – but they will support you none the less!

●   If they don’t agree to your choices they’ll tell it like it is, in your face – not behind your back!

●   True friends will not ditch one another because of men – they may not agree to your taste but friendships prevail!

●   You can confide with one another freely – jokes maybe thrown at you but in good spirit.

●   True friends will back you up – they’re not afraid to step up for you!

●   True friends don’t care what kind of designer bag you are totting around and still love you unconditionally!

There you go! Feel free to love or hate the movie – for me, I just love seeing them back together even for 2.5 hours and I left the theater wishing I have 3 best friends like them. Well, maybe not exactly like them but you know what I mean, right?

Laughters, 10 Years Later

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Was invited to a small college reunion by one of my friend on Friday. This one friend and I haven’t met for a year but it was longer for the others, some I did met 5 years ago when I was still working here and the rest, well I just haven’t seen them since we left college.

As always I had to left early and got there way earlier than everybody else who’s working and didn’t show up until after 6PM. Luckily my friend Cheena (her name is Rini but we always calls her Cheena) came early tooand we had a chance to do a quickie  catch-up before the others came.

One by one the girls showed up (99% of my college friends were girls!) but it’s quite funny that most of them doesn’t even remember me. Soon enough the ones that remember me showed up and we all had a great great time. From catching up about our lives, their works, their families down to remembering those good ole’ days where we mostly skipped classes together hah! Good times…

When the ‘party’ was over a few friends and I decided to stay awhile and had some beers LOL (the place only have beers but I do prefer Margarita please!) but we chatted some more, laugh some more until a little after midnight. By the time we bid farewell, my jaws hurts from so much laughing. Granted all of us has changed, life has a way with that but for one night we were all the same girls that we once were in those college days and it’s fantastic to be ‘back in the moment’ again.

Friendship, Love & Truth

Friendship_love_and_truth

True friend is someone who might disagree with your choices in life yet support you anyway & tell it to your face, not behind your back!

Came up with these lines today when I was thinking about all the friendships I ever had in my 30 years of living on this planet. It pretty much sums it all up, don’t you think?

In my lifetime this far, I’ve met and made a lot of friends and undeniably some of us bonded, these are the people that I would lovingly refer to as my besties. Unfortunately some of these friendships crashed and burned, leaving dark memories behind. Have to admit that I still found myself grief for some of these people that I chose to cut ties with completely. Forgiveness is easy yet to forget…that’s quiet harder.

From the 4 majors’ besties breakup I ever had, betrayals were always the source. Betrayal cuts deep and left you brokenhearted much like when you broke up with a boyfriend. Because betrayal means the trust between you and that other person has been violated. Didn’t they say that those closest to you hurt you the most?

After my first two breakups, I thought I had learned to be careful, but apparently life still needs to teach me more and presented me with the last twos. As my father always tell me “You learned the hard way!” and that’s what happened.

Losing two people that I thought were my besties last year were very public, thanks to the internet village. News travel much faster these days so those who’ve known me probably had heard about what happened. No, I’m not going to write the juicy details here as there’s no point to it.

It is a jungle after all out there when it comes to friendship. When I zoomed in on friendship between fellow Indonesians who are in a mix-marriage/relationship, I saw this annoying trend that is difficult to fathom.  At first I wasn’t very aware of this but after being married for 4 years now, I realized how fake these friendships can be. Don’t get me wrong, there are some truly-genuinely-real-sweethearts out there in these crowds that I had befriends with yet the mean-bitchy-two faced-gossipers are plenty! Oh don’t forget the weird ones too; these kinds of girls are the one that only talks about how much money their husbands make and what kinds of designer labels they have. What’s with the negativity, ladies? All the luxury things you can afford is good for you but it’s not everything and it shouldn’t be an issue when it comes to friendship. Too much drama, mama!

Sometimes I would discuss this with one of my close friend who lives in the States and we both shrug in confusion when we tried to analyze what causing this. Is it rivalry, does it bring them joys to belittle someone else? Only God knows the real answer probably but it is a sad phenomenon when you think about it.

Prior to those two major breakups, I thought I had shielded myself from all these negative energies but boy, was I up for a rude awakening! It hurts like hell inside! Just like a brokenhearted girl, I used to well OK sometimes, still play the whys-how comes-how could discs in my head.

My lessons would be to keep things to myself and to keep my guard up at all time.

Here’s a little something something I wrote after the last breakup:

Camaraderie Avenue was not made to be easy
It wasn’t build in a night or two
Even after years flew like a breeze
Some things may left untrue

Like a glass castle
It is still frail
And when it crumbles
Pieces will cut you profoundly leaving your feelings stale

No glue could ever restore what’s vanished
Imaginations at its best
Nothing but wishful belief you should banished
No use to try and guessed

Time will finally come
For you to pack then turn your back
Keep walking even when you’re numb
Your bleeding heart will eventually healed on its track

The scar will always be there
To strike a chord once in a blue moon
It will linger and it’s alright to grieve
You will eventually learn to trust again

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