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Power Walk and Healing

28 Jul posted by
walk

No pain, no gain…

Is that true?

I’ve been dragging my behind back to my-nearly-two-months-neglected-power walk for the past 3 days. As you can imagine, my legs are sore, my shins are screaming with pain when I walk.

But for the sake of getting back in shape, I push forward…

This got me thinking – as my alone time during power walk has always been somewhat my meditation time. Just me, those pump-up-your-spirit-music and my thoughts, power walking through the darkness before crack of dawn.

Is healing similar to power walking?

Here’s the piece of conversation I had with myself.

“You keep walking…pushing forward even when your aching body beg you to stop, just like you must keep on living even when sometimes your broken inner self wanted to shut down. Your blisters goes beyond your toes and feet…you are beaten down.

There are times where you do must take a moment to stop walking – to rest…to regain, recompose yourself and catch that much needed breath – maybe a day, a week, heck, maybe even two months like I did!

You still need to get up and walk again…no matter what kinds of shits life throw at you. Maybe it will be a slow walk at first but you are moving…on your own pace. No one can push you when you are not ready to take the first steps.

The road up ahead is uncertain. Maybe there are uphill climb, steep slippery slopes, it may become twisted full of turns or pot holes on the bumpy street. Does it stop others from going? Certainly not! So why should you quit?

And as your steps grow stronger…the pain, the aching will cease…you will welcome the energy that comes with it, you embrace the breeze of fresh air filling out your lungs. The strength is within you! You are a winner!

Plus you might drop a few size and look great in that little black dress?!

Hey, maybe one day you’ll be strong enough to even do the unthinkable…to jog…run into your bright future!”

One day when I feel like quitting again, I must re-read this post as a reminder that one must keep on pushing forward  in life.

Do you exercise? How do you feel about pushing yourself to exercise and most importantly to move forward?

3 Comments
Filed Under: Divorce

Not Goodbye

16 Jun posted by

“You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you…”

(Homesick – Mercy Me)

Everytime I play this song tears still fell on my cheeks…

It brought me back to years ago when I was a little girl. When I looked up and see that smiling face beaming with so much happiness as she sat there on my bedside telling me stories from the Bible.

If I suppose to picked my favorite moments in my 30 something years knowing her, my childhood wins by a mile.

Having her around when I was little was so much fun. She used to brushed my curly hair before telling me so much intriguing stories. She was a joy all around. It’s like having my own personal Sunday School teacher.

I remember 21 years ago when we both giggled like school girls on her wedding day. I was one her little bride maids…we both love our white gowns. She looked like a princess.

She lived in an island far from me…all I knew was she and her husband both serves as pastors.

Little that I know how much of a special pastor she was to so many people there, it wasn’t until these last week that I learned more about her life.

Whenever we meet I would teased her and made a joke that the ‘collector’ is here. She could pack up so much stuffs in her suitcases.

Little that I know she would be handing those stuffs away to people who needs them more back in her home.

When she came to Jakarta three weeks ago, I almost couldn’t recognize her. She was so frail and her condition just breaks our hearts. She’s still there behind her eyes trapped in the body that had failed her.

I was worried…I was scared that we cannot help her financially…I felt so guilty for even worrying about the dough when all she wanted was to spend her last days with us as a family.

Her son, my cousin who goes to college in another town had to be flown to Jakarta immediately. She was in critical condition. She have her two daughters beside her so it was him she was waited for.

Last week…Saturday June 4th 2011…she won over her breast cancer. Less than 30 minutes after her son came to her bedside. Not long after he whispered to her that he’s finally there and tear fell off  of her closed eyelid. Even when she had lost her consciousness she knew her son, her daughters, her husband and her family were there.

She was only 45 years old…She’s gone too soon.

The pain is still raw…tears still fell down but it is a comfort when we saw how much she was loved by her people in Kupang. Nearly the whole city showed up, mourning for her. I was told more people showed up for her than when the mayor passed away.

Seeing that makes us realized what an amazing women she was. Seeing strangers touched by her kindness, crying like they too lost their family members gives us comfort.

I love you, Aunty Linda…rest in peace. God gives strength to your husband and children.

6 Comments
Filed Under: Musings

Indonesian Jamu Lady

28 Jul posted by

Jamu is one of Indonesian traditional herbal drinks made from natural materials, such as parts of plants such as roots, leaves and bark, and fruit. They are usually bitter but a few drops of honey will helps. They also comes in many types of purposes from feminine hygiene to male’s ‘performance enhancements’ to the usual physical soreness, gas to headaches.

Jamu Seller

Jamu street seller are typically women and they dressed in kebaya – an Indonesian traditional blouse-dress combination. They will carry the wooden basket on their backs with small plastic bucket to wash the cups. Here’s what the basket typically looks like

jamu gendong

These ladies will usually walk and sell their jamu from house to house, something I haven’t seen around where we live for awhile.

This has been my Wordless Wednesday take (although not so wordless) and pictures were taken on my Scott Kelby’s Worldwide Photo Walk last weekend.

Join the fun over at A Beautiful Mess.

37 Comments
Filed Under: Fun things, Photoblog

That Demon Was Real

6 Jul posted by

Creative Commons Licensephoto credit: helgasms

Some of you, especially mothers know what Baby Blues is all about. You might have read it somewhere or heard it through the grapevines, just like I had heard about it before and proclaimed that I would never go through one.

Big mistake…

With a difficult pregnancy caused by my severe preeclampsia, bed ridden for four weeks straight, two hospitalizations, never ending check-ups followed by an emergency c-section at 35th weeks of my pregnancy then later watched our newborn baby helplessly laying under an oxygen hood…it took a toll on me emotionally.

What suppose to be happy new mommy moments seemed like a far away dream for me. Yes, I cried happy tears when I finally got to hold him for the very first time…3 days after he was born. Yes, I was so happy when we spent the last night in the hospital rooming together.

But as the new mommyhood role finally kicked in full gear, it became harder. I freaked out when Mr. X had to go back to work. Between cracked nipples and tears from pain of not latching on correctly…I sob with our new baby. Mr. X tried to cheered me up when I got so frustrated with breastfeeding. Being far from both sides of the family, the only source of help was purely from Mr. X and he really earn an honorary badge for standing by me.

What I thought was ‘only a baby blues’ period lasted for months. It got ugly and the biggest mistake was to never get it diagnose. When my doctor asked about how I feel, I lied…I was too ashamed to admit that something didn’t feel normal inside… something didn’t feel right. So it went undiagnosed and got worst. I was living a dual life…yes, I’m a happy new mother to the whole world but deep inside I felt rotten as if I’m a pitch dark tunnel, I hated everything, I even hated to hear Lil’ A crying at nights. It consumed me inside out. That year was hell and I was going through it alone not knowing there is a name for that demon, that there are helps out there, that there are ways to deal with it either through medications or counseling.

I never heard of Post Partum Depression until Lil’ A was almost 2 years old. When I read the symptoms my jaws dropped. That’s exactly how I felt…I withdrew from Mr. X, projected my unhappiness to him, lashing out to him. Even yelled at him during one of my meltdowns that I hated him…that demon had hurt the person I loveand I still carry that guilt to this very day. It got so ugly I’m surprised he didn’t walk out on me when were still in Dothan.

Actually, it took a marriage counselor to finally made me realized what caused that miserable first year after we had our baby was indeed a post partum depression, it almost drove my marriage off the cliff. She helped me tremendously dealing with the ghost of my PPD.

If only I would come clean to my doctor back in Dothan, he might provide helps in dealing with those rotten feelings and it would stop me from creating so much damage in our marriage. We are still working on our marriage and I’m thankful to God that I had escaped from the grip of that ugly PPD and my faith plus the counseling had helped me tremendously in recovering from its grips.

My hope is for more mothers, especially Indonesians to be able to open up to their doctors. Most Indonesians will be too embarrassed to share such things to their doctors. Sadly, it’s like a stigma that you don’t admit to others that you are depressed, that you just have to toughen up. Believe me, I know and I understand as I’ve been there before, was too ashamed and it almost breaks my marriage! As a medical expert they shouldn’t judge us, they should be able to help. If not then maybe it’s time to find a new doctor that does familiar with PPD.

PPD is real…not just make believe. Get the helps you need now before it’s too late!

Updated:

The marriage ended. Not only because of PPD but it was one of a factor I guess.

18 Comments
Filed Under: Musings, Single Mommyhood

2 Years Old Smoker – Bad Parenting or Bad Policy?

1 Jun posted by

I for one is quite surprise to see this news spread internationally like wild fire for the last few days. Why? Because this boy is not the first case…yes – maybe first case that got such a spotlight – internationally none the less.

There was another boy from Malang that ‘made-it-on-the-news’ last month. This 4 years old boy’s case is more severe, not only that the boy puffing away but also cursing like a sailor. Good to hear that children rights activist group had interfere with government and the boy is now smoke free.

These are just a friction of child smokers in this country, the data from the Central Statistics Agency showed 25 per cent of Indonesian children aged three to 15 have tried cigarettes, with 3.2 per cent of those active smokers.

Although I am a smoker – yes I smoke since I was in college – it’s disturbing to read these kinds of stories. Both DH and I smokes but we do our addictions outside the house and yes I still hope someday we can nip this bad habit in the butt.

Now I can’t stop thinking about this little boy and his new international fame. Medias, international and local has been all over him and the parents of course to take pictures, videos. Does the parents seeks for help or they see the boy as a money making puffing machine? How on earth does a 2 years old get his hands on cigarette in the first place if someone did not give it to him?

As a smoker, if my son threw a tantrum because he wants a cigarette do I give in? Hell NO! He can scream his head off if he wants to! It’s another story if he’s a grown up *maybe at 21 years old!* and if he should ever decided to try smoking then it will be his own decision.

Would you give your son a knife if he bang his head on the wall wanting one? I don’t think so then why is it any difference with cigarette?

Is it a bad parenting – considering the parents of these boy lives in a very rural part of Indonesia where I would assume that their educational level are minimal? Or it’s simply because it’s so easy to buy them unlike in some countries? Heck, I was still asked to show my ID Card when I first got to Upstate, NY and went to buy a cigarette alone.

Yes, Indonesia is a smoking country – you can tell when you get off the plane and out of the arrival gate – the smell of clove cigarettes will welcome you!  Jakarta’s Governor had actually implement a new anti-smoking law that banned smoking in all air-conditioned buildings, including restaurants and cafes since last month. Does it work? Nope! I still see people smoking indoors or at cafes and restaurants. Without full law enforcements from the government and limitations on cigarettes ads this law will just fall flat on its behind.

This reminds me of the New York law, sounds similar…no indoor smoking! But the difference is in the States the law for cigarettes ads are more strict. No TV ads at all unlike here where they are all over the airways competing slots with baby formula! Cigarette also sponsors so many major events here from racing to concerts. So big KUDOS to Kelly Clarkson who ditched one of the largest cigarette company from sponsoring hers on the last minute.

I really hope for the sake of that boy, he will get some help he deserves!

13 Comments
Filed Under: Indonesia, Musings

Formula vs Fresh Milk For Toddler

16 May posted by
milk

One of the things I noticed on local TV in Indonesia is the ferocity of formula commercials – specifically the toddler formula – not the baby kinds.

While I was waiting to renew passport last week – out of boredom – I counted these commercials being aired on TV. 10 different formula commercials within an hour of a morning show. Shocking!

Not only on TV, parents are being constantly bombarded with formulas through magazines & newspaper ads also at the supermarkets. I’m not talking just formula for babies but mainly for toddlers.

This may have been a ‘normal’ practice in Indonesia for years on end now but I just never notice it before I became a mom.

Whenever I went to the groceries, on my way to pick up UHT Milk for Lil’ A, I always – and I mean ALWAYS being stopped by these formula associates offering me to try their magic-vitamins-loaded-formula-that-will-make-your-child-a-genius! Usually I managed to politely decline them but there were times when I was just being a smart ass and challenged them in their knowledge about these formulas by telling them regular milk will makes my son just as smart!

He’s been on UHT milk since we first got here and Lil’ A loves it, we tried a local pasteurized brand once but it gave him an upset stomach. He doesn’t really like chocolate milk, thanks God! It was harder in China when the whole milk scandal exploded in 2008 – we had to buy imported UHT Milk from New Zealand there.

Sometimes I wonder if these formula fed babies/toddlers in Jakarta are so much chubbier because of the highly consumptions of these ‘magic milk’?

IMHO, formula is loaded with sugars! Don’t believe me? Go read the ingredient list. That’s what makes these kids so attached to their formulas. I know I might get stoned for this…but breast milk and pasteurized milk are way better than these formulas. Had a good laugh when I saw one commercial that claimed they had added colostrums. How on earth?!

Since Lil’ A was a preemie baby and his weight went down after a week of staying at NICU, I had to combine breast milk plus special formula for preemie. He then was breastfed for 8 good months (he stopped nursing himself and that was one of the saddest times of my life!) and 5 months on formula. Like AAP recommended, he’s off formula when he turned 1 year old.

Just as parents being bombarded with these mega millions industry here, I really think we as parents needs to do a little more digging before giving formulas to our kiddos. And hey, they are expensive! Pasteurized and UHT milk are much cheaper.

31 Comments
Filed Under: Jakarta Livin', Toddlerhood
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