This is a more serious spin on my suppose-to-be-entertaining-list of things you’ll face after you married your foreigner husband.

Marriages between two Indonesians with different tribes can cause problems, so a marriage with a foreigner means you’ll need bigger efforts to bridge the cultural differences, we did came from a totally different worlds so to speak.

Although my past of living around expatriates did help to understand the western cultures, it doesn’t mean that it’s a smooth sailing for me – or for my ex-husband.

Marriage life means both parties needs to synchronize their differences and the process actually started before we got our marriage certificates. But surely dating and actually living under the same roof are different.

One example of two different cultures between American and Indonesian is the way Indonesian families are tightly bound together. We have a saying here that when two people get married, they are not only married to one another but they got married to the family as well. Families sticks together helping out one another is the Indonesian way. Americans are more independent with children leaving their parents house for college and become independents individuals. My ex-husband grandmother, Mimi is one example of strong independent lady that still live in her own house alone at the age of 87 (Mom, please correct me if I’m wrong).

Another example, I’ve seen a mix marriage falling apart because the Indonesian wives keep sending large amount of money to her family back home and even gave money to her brothers to start a company much to the husband’s objections. You see, this is where I believe the wive should be able to put her new family first, meaning her husband. No, I’m not saying we should ditch the strong family ties we have back home, more like learn to compromise what will works for the newlywed. Mind you, I’m not a marriage counselor but that’s what I learned from mine

For me, the biggest adjustment I had to make after marrying Mr. X and moving to the States was learning how to tell him about what is bothering me without him pulling a tooth out! It’s not easy as I hate confrontation and usually I can’t control my emotions (still working on this department) so it’s easier to just keep it to myself and pout.

The speak my mind part was also a learning process which caused some people to thinks I’m too Americanized now even when I already have this trait but only used them at the work place before.

Another adjustment was cooking! Seriously, I’m so used to take outs when I was single so experimenting in the kitchen was a new territory. Luckily, I married someone who’s not fussy and demanding a 7 course meals! He even do some cooking himself and would chomp down anything I cook.

I think these are the major adjustments issues we got in our marriage. Yes, there are other minor adjustments but it weren’t a big deal. The huge culture shock that I imagined wasn’t there at all, I quickly adapt to my adoptive new home. It wasn’t until we moved to Dothan that I felt a small dose of culture shock.

From trying to understand the thick Southern accents – which eventually I got used to even fell in love with some of their wordings such as “Bless your heart!” to trying to cope with living in that very small town. After living in Jakarta for years, I’m used to be independently mobile. Even when we were living in Upstate NY, I managed to get myself a job, rode public buses to and from work. While in Dothan, the only public transportation is taxi and I was too afraid to drive. Some of my friends had to re-learn to drive there since we, Indonesians drive on the wrong side of the road – right hand driving!

Had heard stories of some major culture shocks Indonesian women married to their white husbands had to face in a forum before. That’s why I put those housewife chores on my fun list! Most Indonesians can afford domestic helpers so getting down and dirty scrubbing the toilet might be a new experience for some women.

You see, some Indonesians never leave their parents’ house until the day they got married. Except for some families, like mine who decided to sent me to the big city. Actually, I had to thanks my parents for sending me to Jakarta only after I finished Junior High, yes I was only 15! Living far from families, I was forced to be independent and doing things on my own so if it wasn’t because of that, I too would suffer from ‘housewife chores’ shock.

One thing that I think really important is to have the willingness to face whatever your new country’s cultures, traditions, or languages with an open mind to get you survived. Remember the old Indonesian saying “Dimana bumi dipijak disitu langit dijunjung.” (when in Rome do as the Romans do)? Keep that in mind and you’ll do just fine!

At the end, the love that brought two people from two different countries should be strong enough help you through these culture shocks or adjustments periods of being married to a ‘bule’ or living in a totally new country.

Do you have any ‘marital culture shock’ experiences?