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On Loneliness

15 Dec posted by
Alone

‘Tis the season to be merry…

Not lonely

Yet here I am, typing this with loneliness about to leak from the rim of my sanity.

Just when I thought I’ve already have so much to juggle, such a busy life as a single mom I can’t seem to shake these feelings off. Yes, I am surrounded with my big crazy loving family layered with lots of awesome friends – which I am so thankful for but there’s a suppressed feeling of loneliness that I’ve been shoving aside for ages.

And when it leaks, I am a hot mess!

After rebuilding my life all over again, I’ve been trying so damn hard to stay strong and independent, trying to create positive focuses in my life to lift the spirit. Infidelities really did some damaged on my part that honestly I’m still working on.

So yes, I feel loneliness chewing me inside.

Why Not Dating Again?

 
“You’re still young…there’s still plenty of chances out there for you. Plenty of fish in the sea!” one dear friend encouraged me when I lamented about my bleak dating history.

Plenty of fish in the sea alright! But not in this part of the sea.

Why?

Maybe because I am not like everyone else…well I know I’m not like everyone else but if you should ask me my ‘man-wish-list’ then without being racist or anything I would put Caucasian on my list.  For the past 14 years I haven’t date any Asian men. I did date Indonesian guys before but it didn’t work out, obviously.  Growing up surrounded by Caucasians and from liberal parents also being in the States for awhile, I think I’m more attracted to those who are open minded, self sufficient man who can appreciate an opinionated woman without fears of me stepping on their ego.  Maybe if I meet an Indonesian guy with these traits or have the same experience we’ll be compatible but I haven’t meet one so far. Hmm…I see a future post discussing more about why – maybe one day I will.

Young, nice bloke in Jakarta is a rare breed.

See now why it’s so difficult for me to date here?

Online dating? Meh! I tried that. Doesn’t work for me. I tried one dating service once and guess what all my ‘matches’ are not located anywhere near Jakarta.

I had unfortunately turned into a skeptic when it comes to long distance relationship.

Fighting It No More

 
After my last date – which dated back to six months ago, I decided to step back from the dating world. It’s really exhausting and I feel like my dating skills are rusting. From the ‘why didn’t he call?’ to the many other questions that left me felt too tired to play the field.

Yet at these times of the year when happy faces of whole families being plastered from Christmas cards to Christmasy ads, I can’t restrain these feelings.

I miss being with someone who can see me way pass my boobs size. Seriously, I guess I just miss the companionship of being in a relationship. That’s all and especially around the holidays times.

And I have come to a conclusion that it’s OK to feel this way. That it’s normal. That it just means I’m only human. I just can’t let these loneliness drag me down deeper than it already is. That I should instead enjoy the freedom of being single and continue working on myself first and foremost.

Even when I know I’m not ready for anything serious right now it wouldn’t hurt to have someone to hold my hand other than my 5 years old.

Are you a single mom? How do you deal with loneliness especially around Holidays?

Picture from Dreamstime.
16 Comments
Filed Under: Single Life

Happy Feet 2 – A Movie Night

13 Dec posted by
MovieNightInvitation

“Blogger?” asked the friendly girl by the counter with Di Kota Kita sign all over it yesterday after I mentioned my name.

“Yes.” I replied with a big smile on my face. Wow, first time in public that I’m not someone’s secretary, or someone’s mother. I am a blogger and there’s no shame in saying it out loud. Wait, actually I felt proud.

So Di Kota Kita invited me to attend their “Movie Night” event that took place yesterday. My invitation is good for two people.

When I first got the email I was stoked and so wanted to take my little boy. Unfortunately, the movie was scheduled to start at 7:30, only 30 minutes before my boy’s bedtime. Maybe next time Di Kota Kita will have kid movie events like this on a weekend.

At first, I was going to come with my best friend who is also a cool Mommy of two. We laughed at the thoughts of two mommies going to watch Happy Feet 2 without our kiddos. But poor girl she didn’t feel too good yesterday so she had to pass (hope you’d feel better soon, girl!). Fortunately, another girl was able to make it.

I arrived at Grand Indonesia a little early so instead of going straight up to the 8th floor where Blitz Megaplex is located, I scoured the bookstore.

After introducing myself and being given my two tickets, I was immediately asked if I’d like my photo taken by their standby photographer. Politely I told him I’m still waiting for Sabrina, my friend.

One suggestion for Di Kota Kita, your Sales Promotion Girl maybe should be more involves in directing the people on where to go after people receive their tickets. I did asked her and she nicely pointed it out, but as an ex Sales Promotion Girl way back in my college years, we should be proactive and provide the information before a customer ask. Just a suggestion.

A little after 7pm my friend finally made it – the rain and Monday rush hour spared her! We quickly got in front of the photo backdrop and had our pictures taken as you can see here. We both got two printed pictures with cute little frame.

Armed with pop-corns and drinks we made our way into Auditorium 5 where the movie will start.

Di Kota Kita team had arranged plenty of games and quizzes loaded with prizes for their customers. There was a dance competition with Justin Timberlake’s Bringing Sexy Back – which by the way was won by an older man – and caused everyone to clap and laugh. The prices given out was pretty neat coming from Martha Tilaaar Spa, JF Lazartique salon, King Foto, Bakmi Naga, Bakso Cakman, Mothercare Indonesia, etc. There were also some door prizes to lucky winners. One Indonesian celebrity also made an appearance at the event with her two adorable children, Novita Angie.

The Happy Feet 2 movie itself was pretty good. Their animation is so friggin real I feel like I could grab the snowflakes and touch it. Imagine watching this in 3D? WOW! The story line was plain but what got me going were the soundtracks. Being a huge fan of Pink, knowing she’s doing the voice over already got me curious but to listen to her songs was an OMG moment. The only one song that I didn’t really enjoy was when Mumble’s little boy sang to the elephant seal – maybe because it was an opera kind of song.

After the movie ended, Sabrina and I went to grab some late dinner followed by our always silly and fun photo sessions by the Christmas decorated entrance to Grand Indonesia mall.

Overall, it was a great evening. Thanks Di Kota Kita for inviting me and my friend. Hopefully next movie event will be more fun and preferably not on a working day – but that’s just my suggestion.

Disclaimer: This post is sponsored by Di Kota Kita. I was given a free invitation to the movie but all opinion expressed are my own and following my PR policy.

5 Comments
Filed Under: Advertorial

Di Kota Kita – A Spa Treatment Review

8 Dec posted by
Marta Tilaar Spa Kelapa Gading

Due to a lot reasons, I failed to use the spa vouchers I bought from Di Kota Kita – a discount coupons website that I had reviewed awhile ago.

Not realizing the vouchers are about to expired, I called their Customer Service and asked if the vouchers can be redeemed by other people since it has my name on it. Again, Di Kota Kita’s Customer Service delivers as they quickly assured me that yes I can give those vouchers to anyone I wish to.

So I gave their vouchers to my best friend who unfortunately doesn’t blog but she fills me in with her experience.

She picked the Marta Tilaar Spa close to her office in Kelapa Gading area.

One of the terms of using the vouchers are, one must make a reservation at the Spa minimum 24 hours prior to their desire date. The whole process was a breeze according to my friend. She just called the spa, mentioning that she got some vouchers from Di Kota Kita that she would like to use. It was business as usual. There was no hassle in cashing in the vouchers.

The whole experience in overall was pretty good according to my friend. Although it was too bad the vouchers are only good for one treatment and cannot be combined. My friend had a hair spa, and a massage.

When asked if she’s happy with the service from Di Kota Kita she said she’s satisfy and would probably buy some vouchers for herself in the future. The only drawback was the Marta Tilaar spa closest to her house was closed from renovation but she understands that was a force majeure condition.

I still have some balance left my account at Di Kota Kita so I might surprise you with another review of using their vouchers – this time with my own experience. With their daily deals update, I’m sure it wouldn’t be too long before I purchase another vouchers.

Disclaimer:
I received the vouchers for free from Di Kota Kita. However, all opinions expressed are solely my own and based on my friend’s experience. Review made and published has followed my PR Statement.

2 Comments
Filed Under: Advertorial

When 24 Hours Just Doesn’t Cut It Anymore

20 Nov posted by

I’m still alive…drowning with work but alive…

Down and Out and Drowning (Explore)
Creative Commons License photo credit: geezaweezer

These past few weeks have been so overwhelming. All the stress and tensions from staying in the hospital last month up to earlier this month with my father has finally caught up with me. All the stress from work – from going solo because my colleague is on her leave and I have to tackle everything by myself really makes me feel exhausted. All the pressure to stay at my current job while I had signed up with a new one makes my head hurts. I hit the slump of feeling running on empty.

So much to juggle all at once…

Then the little ‘panic’ I got from realizing my time at my current job is drawing to a close and I still have so many loose end to ties-up while keeping the ‘regular’ workloads afloat causing me to work long hours. In the past week alone I had worked close to 65 hours. I.am.super.overwhelmed! Stress gives me daily stomachache and I’m just dying to get all these behind me.

Yes, I am moving to a new company starting the end of this month. I’m sad to leave my colleagues and friends but I’ve made up my mind.

This new job will require longer commute time as the office would be in downtown area but there will be much more commuting options from the bus to the train. I think I will go with the latter option.

Another set of panic attack was when it hits me that I don’t have that much of ‘formal’ working attires. Being spoiled by my office now, jeans became my best friend so I don’t wear my executive-secretary-style daily. The new job will requires me to dress formally from Monday – Thursday. So I’ve been slowly starting to buy key pieces items to wear. Not easy because I’m not your typical itty-bitty-Asian woman.

Breathe in breathe out…

Lately I told my best friend that I feel like I have no life whatsoever outside of just work & home. Rinse and repeat!

My long awaited trip to the small island of Rote has been cancelled due to my father’s health. He was still in hospitalized when I was scheduled to go so canceling it was the right thing to do. Besides, I wouldn’t feel right to go on a mini get-away while he’s sick.

Dating? What is that exactly? I’m just so not ready and not been interested in this department. Maybe later in the future.

Don’t even let me get started on the working mom’s guilt, for I have oh so plenty of them lately. Knowing that my son is the motor that keep me running through all these hurdle is what keeps me going.

Not easy for me to relax and take things easy with so much going on but I am trying. Thanks God for dear dear close friends who can still makes me laugh with their antics during these stressful few weeks.

Luckily there’s only 24 hours in a day if we have more then I’d probably be working even longer.

How do you manage a crazy schedule in your life? How do you find your “me-time”? 

6 Comments
Filed Under: Single Mommyhood, Working Mom

Why I Will Never Drive in Jakarta

12 Oct posted by

Watch this video from YouTube and you’d understand why I think I will never drive in Jakarta.

How bout a more serious look at it?

Oh don’t get me wrong, I did learned eons ago – with stick nonetheless! Even got myself a driver’s license right after I finished my short driving course without a test or anything – yes people, that’s how we roll here. Money talks! BUT I failed my father’s high standards of defensive safety driving. It’s a long story but let’s just say that out of three kids my father have, only one passed his standard and deemed the one that has became his successor.

So, my driver’s license faced its slow death by hiding in my purse for about 5 years and I never get behind wheels again.

In the States, I don’t drive so yeah that was lame.

Back in Jakarta with these kinds of traffic, no matter how much I wish I can drive, I’m afraid it would end up ugly.

Sitting in the passenger seat alone is enough to make me all worked up seeing how crazy motorbikes are around Jakarta’s traffic. So I’m afraid if I’m driving I’d be so tempted to just run them all over.

In the past couple of weeks since I’m back to work and with my father returning to South Africa, I’ve been riding motorbikes with my youngest brother every morning. He would drop me off and I’d catch a taxi or hitch a ride with one of the guys from work.

As much as I’d like to think that I have a brave soul,  sitting on a motorbike makes me nervous now. Not so much because I worry that my brother is a lousy driver – no he’s very careful and doesn’t do the crazy zigzagging like the other drivers. I’m more nervous about the hundreds – if not millions – motorbikes who doesn’t seem to have brakes at all!

For example, my father’s car was hit by a motorbike so badly a couple of months ago when he tried to turn right into our housing complex while another car is making an exit turn left, so it was a blind spot. Out of the blue wham… a motorbike who never bother to hit the break smashed, ripped the back tire of the car and dent the left front door. In a city like Jakarta, no matter what happened, the car will always get blamed for.  Sucks big time!

My father was OK, the car not so much! Big huge dent on the left door, so big that we had to replace the whole door and got a new tire. The two people in the motorbike? They got minor scratches and ended up asking for money to go to the hospital. Insane? Yes!

Back to my daily rides with Danny – my brother -  I’m just scared he would get pissed and punch some careless driver like he did awhile back when he just started working. I could not possibly make this up. Actually I was laughing my ass off when I heard about what happened.

Someone stupidly cut right in front of him while  he had a blinker to turn left. Granted, the two motorbikes collided – not too bad I guess – but bad enough to make my brother left his motorbike and punch the other driver on the face.

Seriously I hate, hate, hate the traffic here. If there weren’t as many motorbikes as it is today, I would probably love driving around Jakarta.

8 Comments
Filed Under: Jakarta Livin'

4 Biggest Misconceptions About Secretaries

1 Oct posted by
Not all secretary looks like this!

 

After being on this field for some years now, I have come to terms that there are still some misconceptions out there about what a secretary really is especially here in Indonesia.

For the sake of it – or for the lack of blog post, you decide – I have made a list of the famous misconceptions about us, secretaries.

  1. We are NOT an office candy!

“Attractive” is the most abused word in job ads in Indonesia when it comes to secretary. Throw in the under 28 years old in the mix then you’ll think that all secretaries are nothing but a pretty little accessories for the office to please the eyes of the executives. Professional attires of a secretary may sometimes seem to induce some boys’ imaginations – skirts and pantyhose? It really is a matter of personal choices. Some girls wear them for themselves, not to get a raise on their paychecks or from other kind of ‘raise’. Lucky for me, I can wear jeans to work!

  1. We do HAVE brains!

We are not the dumb; we don’t sit around all day with nail buffer stuck to our hands. Some of us actually do have a lot to take care of from day to day basis. We managed wide varieties of things at the office that actually utilize our brain cells. We juggle a lot of things at once while keeping an analytic plus critical mindsets to assists the bosses. There are so much that gets into play here so yes, we do have brains.

  1. We do NOT flirt with your husbands!

Just because we wear skirts doesn’t mean we will fall on your husband/boyfriend laps so stop being so bitchy to us. Some of us actually can maintain a courteous and professional work life. Have you ever heard the terms “Don’t shit where you eat?” Yeah! That’s my motto! Also, we would appreciate if you do not use us to spy on your spouse. So lame! Of course I cannot speak on the behalf of all secretaries but most are hardworking women with integrity and professionalism.

  1. We don’t just type letters and make coffees all day!

Well, of course we will have letters/memos to type but that’s not all we do, please refer to No. 2, thank you very much. As for the coffees/teas? That’s why they have someone in charge at the pantry.

Have you heard other misconceptions about secretaries out there? Do share away.

 
Image from: Dreamstime
16 Comments
Filed Under: Musings
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