Lately I’ve been glorifying the magic of Facebook. Who knew I could reconnect with old long lost friends down from Kindergarten to College? Amazing huh?! Even on Friendster I didn’t connect to this many friends. Reunion(s) has been great and it sure is nice to stay in touch after all these years again.

However, things aren’t always as rosy as it seems. After two small ‘conversations’ with two different people from my past I was intrigued to write this.

First conversation:

X: “It’s just too difficult to go places with xx small kids *with complaining tones*
Me: “Do you have any nanny?”
X: “I have two, one for each kid. It must be so much easier for you, right?”
Me: Biting my tongue trying not to say “Sweetie, you called that hard with two nannies around 24/7?!!!!” then came up with an excuse that I have to go.

Second conversation:

Y: “So you’re rich now!”
Me: “What?”
Y: “Well, you married a bule*. You must have a great life like Ibu-ibu pejabat**”
Me: “Huh?” gulping for air at the shallow comment “No, my husband is not a millioner.”
Y: Insistently saying unnecessary comments about how easy my life now and how she still have to work her ‘behind’ off.

WOW! Surely those blows came when I least expected it. Well, these two are not my closest friends in the past and it’s been ages since the last time we met in persons so they might not fully know the kind of person I am today. But their comments can be categorized as one of the most common things mix marriage couples have to hear in Indonesia, among many discourteous ones out there.

Although these kinds of comments won’t stop me from feeling excited about seeing some of them while I’m still in Jakarta, I need to brace myself to hear more of these and better yet be prepared with a smart come back. Any ideas?

What amazed me the most is how much these people have no clue whatsoever that life doesn’t automatically become any easier just because you’re married to a white man. Knight in shinning armor? Nope! Doesn’t work that way in real life, sweetie! Being married to a ‘bule’ doesn’t mean all I do every single day is sitting prettily, adoring my well-manicured-weighed-down-by-golf-ball-size-diamonds-stuffed fingers.

Living in Indonesia where hiring hands are cheap and easily accessible, mothers can have a much easier life when they have a kid(s). Not to mention family helps but not out there, sweetheart! Surely not in the expensive country such as America where we, Indonesia women who happened to be married to an American have to adjust to the way of living. Maids, personal drivers, live-in nannies are only for those rich people.

“Being married to a bule means you have to learn to ‘membabu-buta***’” was an insider jokes that sometimes my fellow mix marriages friends shared with me. For those of you who can’t take a joke, let me make it clear that we do what we have to do for our own families, right? So yeah, being the driver, the chef, the housekeeper, the nanny comes with the territory of our status and personally, I enjoyed doing that although it is tiring at the end of the day (Standing ovation to my friends who have more than one kid!) Again, it’d be nice to have all the helps we can get like what’s available here but it does come with a personal satisfaction to do these things for the people you love.

The glamorous life that these people might perceive is so far fetched from reality. Impossible to change these kinds of images they painted themselves, guess I’ll just need to bring a pair of ear plugs when I meet them people and grow a thicker skin.

Note:

* bule = white guy

** Ibu-ibu pejabat = wives of important government officials

*** Membabu-buta = a slang term my friend and I came up with meaning we’re working hard like a maid.