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Surviving The First Month

17 Nov posted by
juggling mom

Yes, I had survived the first month of being a full time working outside the home mom! Being back in the corporate world especially here in Jakarta after months of rejections, sure feels damn good!

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life” – said Confucius

That maybe have some truth in them because I love what I’m doing now, it’s high paced but also enjoyable. I still have much to learn from the other girl Miss F who’s been kind enough to let me ask her tons of questions. Numbers confused me – except for cash that is – and working with so many different assigned job numbers still got me a bit confused but Miss F has been so patience and allows me to double check the numbers like a gazillion times.

Miss F and I would giggled like two school girls on some days that when our boss walked by he would look at us with such a suspicious look on his face that only makes us giggled even more. Both of us would just laugh the stress out which is pretty cool because what else can you do?

I’m loving my job, that’s for sure!

On the home front, Lil’ A has adjusted quite well and stop acting out. His pre-K schedule has been postponed until early of January (school is moving to a new bigger place).

He came to picked me up at work last Saturday, but of course he was too shy but thanks goodness he’s over the I-will-scream-to-every-strangers-trying-to-talk-to-me phase. He hid his face while the ladies at work hovered and tried to grab his attentions.  My boy is shy what can I say…lets hope by starting pre-K he would nip this shyness in the butt for good.

The boy would still try to pry open my eyes if I fall asleep before he does, which is cute but oh it’s so darn hard to keep my eyes open at night. His hugs and kisses and “I love you, Mommy!” is what keeps me going.

On another side, I am honored to be featured alongside many already great established blogger/websites on this months’ issue of Indonesia Parenting Magazine (yes, just like the Parenting Mag back in the States but this one is the Indonesian franchise of it). That piece further opened up about my status and revealed its way to some people at work.

One positive thing is I found out that one of our IT guy is actually the founder of Indonesia Single Parent Group and had invited me to joined their mailing list.

Working has proofed to be a great ‘medicine’ for my situation…it fills up my days a lot quicker, occupies my mind and kicking those yucky feelings to the curb. Yes, there are still moments when those thoughts crossed my mind but not as often as before. Working has given me a great ‘escape’ that I desperately needed besides the obvious of giving Lil’ A a better future.

That much anticipated trip to Rote island has been postponed due to all the catastrophic tragedies in Indonesia recently. I’m disappointed of course but I think it was a wise decision from the tour coordinator. We’ll be going sometimes next year instead.  Our Bangkok trip has been booked for end of April 2011 – only 5 months away – my two brothers will be going along with me and Lil’ A. Can’t wait!

Hope you guys are all doing well!

29 Comments
Filed Under: Working Mom

First Week In A Glance

19 Oct posted by
The Desk

First week at my new job had flew by and I survived!

The Desk

The work itself has been great so far. Not too busy yet as I’m still trying to familiar myself with how the place runs but everyone has been really helpful and welcoming. I’m starting to follow the rhythm and dancing with the beat.

It gives me amazing feelings to be productive again after all these years. Actually, I was a bit wary about telling the HR Manager of my planned trip to Rote island next month. If only they can refund my money – which I’ve been paying since August – I would cancel the trip. The HR Manager was really cool about it and she told me to go but I need to tell the big boss first.

Turned out my big boss was super cool with that. He even asked where Rote is and what’s there to see. He asked me to take lots of pictures to share with him which of course I’d be doing. Being so new at the job, against all odds, he’s letting me go next month. I’ll be missing 1.5 days of work.

This is something that probably wouldn’t happen at any other company here, so big big thanks Boss!

They have a pretty fish tank by the front desk

Sadly we’ve hit a few rough spots at home, maybe it is normal for newly working mom with a toddler at home.

When it comes to Lil’ A’s new nanny, I’m pretty satisfied with how she handles everything when I’m not around. She care a lot for him, she have the patience dealing with a toddler and he took at her immediately unlike my first ‘helper’. With this one, I feel at ease leaving Lil’ A under her watch.

The boy has been really good while I’m not at home…that’s the report I got. But when I come home, it’s a different story. In picture perfect world, I thought I’d be greeted with big hugs and lots of kisses as I walked inside the house after a long day at work. That didn’t happen…

He would starts acting out and even threw a tantrum when I’m home. To my disappointment, but I guess it’s just a phase and I pray that it will go away soon. He still needs to adjust and so does his mommy. I miss him terribly when I’m at work and I feel guilty for getting upset when he’s acting out.

My schedule has changed too…

Officially, the office starts at 8am but being almost an OCD as I am, I must wake up at 4 (4:30 the latest!) every morning. Being rushed is something I hate so waking up this early means I will have time to myself. Sipping my first cup of coffee while checking my emails, at 5 I’d take a shower and starts to get ready. Call me crazy but this is how I’ve always been even long before Lil’ A was born and I was still working at my last job in Jakarta.

I would leave the house by 6:30 and get to work a little after 7. Traffic would be worst if I leave later than that.

We are working until 4pm from Monday – Friday because we work up until Saturday (for half a day!). On the third week, we’ll have Saturday off and we’re working until 5pm to cover the times.

I try to finish my job so I can come home on time but sometimes I’ll get last minutes tasks that needed to be done so I stay longer. On average, in the past week I’ll get home around 6:30 – 7:30pm. That’s about 12 hours that I’m away from Lil’ A.

Blogging activity has slowed down tremendously since I started working again. I really miss it! Maybe once when I get settled at the office I can blog hops again.

You, working moms do you has similar mommy-is-home-tantrums? How do you deal with them?

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Filed Under: Working Mom

Stay At Home Mom No More

11 Oct posted by

osito setentoso ¿?Creative Commons Licensephoto credit: lett -/=

After more than six months and countless of interviews later…I finally got a job.

I feel truly blessed with this job and I just knew I would love it there. The atmosphere alone is totally different and I just know this is the right place for me.

Starting tomorrow, I will work full time so I have been cherishing the last weekend with Lil’ A. That’s why I fell back on the blogging world. Please forgive me for that.

With the help of my family, I knew Lil’ A will be in good hands while I’m at work and I just got a nanny who will stay here and help watching him. My mother will help too but she’s getting too old to do things hands on.

Today will be spend in ‘training’ this new nanny and to let her and Lil’ A get to know one another. I’m nervous but so far she seems alright. Of course she’s on two weeks probation times and I will hear the feedback from my mother. This is the first time he will have a full time nanny and I’m still not use to the idea but I know this is for the best.

Returning to the corporate world again after these years won’t be easy. I feel like I already miss him but I am thankful for this job. With my age, it is really hard trying to find a job here these days.

Good things are indeed coming my way.

Now, I just need to master the balancing act of single working mom like so many other great mothers has been doing out there.

I will miss all of you and I will try my best to visit your blogs and commenting whenever I have free time. In the meantime, thank you for all your supports!

26 Comments
Filed Under: Divorce, Single Mommyhood

Bedtime Apology

5 Oct posted by
eyes

That little head was snuggling in my arms…

His soft curls tickle my face, so close I could smell his scents. His fingers entwined with mine as we lay down in our bed. After reading him Good Night Moon – three times – we snuggles. We talked.

That’s how we end his night. It was the most intimate moments we share together, times that he is all mine and I’m all his. Part of the day that I always looking forward to.

Started with his favorite books followed by our nighttime duet of Casting Crown’s “We Cry Holy” – or as he calls it “Holy Holy”, he would say his bedtime prayer then snuggle up to talk. This is the moment where he usually says things that came from deep within him.

“Daddy loves you Mommy”

He said it ever so softly yet it manage to give me a pang…it made me loose my grip and I told him what I’ve been telling him in this past 7 months.

“Yes and Mommy and Daddy loves you so very much. You know that right?”

He nodded…then said that lines I’ve been hearing a lot and every time it feels like a sharp guilt cut me open, of helplessness.

“Mommy go home with Lil’ A to the apartment…with Daddy. Mommy get in Daddy’s car…”

Before, I would told him “We will, pumpkin…we will…” but that was then. And this time I feel like I had crushed his hopes, his dreams of having a whole family again.

What hurts the most is telling your almost 4 years old boy that his Mommy and Daddy can’t live together anymore. No matter how gentle I tried to let him know it is the hardest part of divorce. You wish you can shield your child from the cruel effects of it.

“I am so sorry, Baby…but Mommy and Daddy love you so very much, that will never change and it is not your fault.”

He was silent as if trying to wrap his little mind to the reality of how his whole life had forever changed. I wish I could spare him the pain, the disappointments. By God, I wish he doesn’t have to be another statistics of broken home child. Innocent little lives whose world has been rocked by the D word.

It was dark in our room, lights are all out…but he can sense my tears brewing.

“Don’t be sad Mommy!” he wiped my face with his little soft hand just before the first drop fell.

I asked him if he misses his Daddy. The boy didn’t say yes or no. He just nodded his head. I pulled him closer and hugged him tight while whispering “I’m sure Daddy misses you too a lot!”

Although this boy had spent a lot of times being separated from his father before – with his job in China and all his travels – he is old enough to remember the times he spent with Daddy and knowing that I could never replace them or even come close to being Daddy, I feel helpless…guilty.

Behind his lively, silly, goofy toddler self…this boy have a very sensitive side to him. He doesn’t show it often but when he does…it hurts me to see him hurting. Just like two months ago when he let out a cry unlike any other cries I have ever heard in his life. He buried his face on my neck and cried this painful cry that came from deep within him. It was after he asked me to come home to the apartment again.

I apologized to him a lot…and I can only pray that someday when he is old enough to understand, he will not hate me for deciding to leave his father.

Maybe I should write him a letter and explain what had happened while it is still fresh in my memory then give it to him when he’s all grown up.

Have you ever apologized to your child? If you have been through divorce, how do you explain the concept of divorce to a toddler?

14 Comments
Filed Under: Divorce

Wisdom Beyond His Years

27 Aug posted by

DSC_0470

“He is your son…he can sense your feelings…”

That’s what my mother told me some months ago and I believe her.

How can a boy who is not even 4 years old, who depends on me to get him his juice, to give him his bath, to feed him, to clothe him and to cuddle him before bed find the wisdom beyond his years? It is truly astonishing.

Our children picked up on our vibes, I’ve read and heard about it but nothing prepare me for what this boy had given me. They will know if you’re troubled. They can sense these things although they may not fully comprehend the truth or the extends of what ever weighing you down.

So when this little boy wiped my tears and said “Smile Mommy…don’t cry” he grinned showing me how to smile then proceed to gave a hug that engulfed me with so much love, I feel like it is me who depends on him.

As much as I try to stay strong for his sake he just knows it…he is part of me, my blood runs inside him.

“Don’t cry Mommy…” he said with a smile

And why did it only made me cry even more?

Holding him there I tried to pick myself up, tried to absorb the strength from a little boy. It doesn’t seem fair! I should be his Mommy…it is my duty to wipe his tears, kiss his boo-boo not the other way around.

Yet he does…he kissed my boo-boo. He wiped my tears. He made it all worthwhile.

Thank you, pumpkin! You really are a God’s sent.

If only I’m not such a crybaby Mommy.

With this post I’m letting you know that I had decided to take a short break from blogging so please do excuse my absences on your blogs. Won’t take too long but right now I just need to sort some things. See you when I get back! :)

37 Comments
Filed Under: Single Mommyhood

Weely Roundup – 4th Week of August

23 Aug posted by
banneralex

August almost come to an end, how crazy is that?

I haven’t been online much since last week thanks to the nasty cold Lil’ A is having that caused a scary spiking fever for two days in a row. Not only that I think the darn cold made a hit on me too. With a sick toddler and a pounding headache, staying unplugged was the way to go.

Anyway here are some updates of our lives besides the darn cold.

    • If you happen to be at one of the 5 stars hotels in Jakarta – you might be seeing this picture. Yep, that’s Lil’ A picture on a banner. His uncle who has been abusing his nephew’s pictures ‘borrowed’ some for his hotel’s birthday package promotion. The original picture was taken by me on Lil’ A’s second birthday party back in Florida.
    • Lil’ A’s pictures also made a cameo appearance on Time Out Jakarta magazine for their August edition. No, he’s not doing professional modeling or some sorts. They just got interested in using his pictures.
    • My father is recovering greatly after they did some laser on his eye. If you remember, he had some problems with one of the blood vessel on his right eye and the doctor suggested laser treatment. He’s still in Johannesburg right now but recovering really well. Thank you for all your supports and prayers.
    • Last week I had my first guest post over at Our Mommyhood. Do check it out, it’s my first guest post on an English based site so I was pretty nervous about it.
    • My photos for The Holiday Inn Photo Competition are still up for voting on Facebook until September 12. We’ve been getting pretty good votes in, so if you had vote thank you very much and if you care to vote please follow this link and here’s a screen shot on how to find the tiny vote button. This mama can use some getaway to Bali! ;)

  • From the toddlerhood phase: The boy has been saying that one magic line “I don’t like…“(fill the dots accordingly). Usually it will come out during meal times. “I don’t like veggies!” followed by mouth shut. Can someone tell me that this too shall pass?

How was your week? Did you guys do anything fun on your weekend?

23 Comments
Filed Under: Blogging
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